Yes, that is a fez with 300 deniros under it. What of it? These kinds of things go on all the time. Although the temperature in the city is currently the same as the nuclear core of the Earth's sun, don't melt away just yet - there are things to do. And some of them involve fezzes.

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What:    Summer Exhibition at Max Dawn
When:   now until 27 Feb
Where: Max Dawn Gallery

We like those folk at Max Dawn. They’re a little bit crazy – the kind of folk who would plonk down a chair made of cow bones on their floor; the kind of folk who would make a video loop of chicks shooting dudes to slowed down versions of 80s power ballads. Their latest exhibition features arteests Joanna Poulson, Rossanne Pellegrino, Eleanor Zecchin (above) and more – phone up, head in, and check it out.

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What:    Bodyguards And Assassins
When:   Wednesday 10 Feb, Sunday 11 Feb, Wenesday 17 Feb, all from 7.30pm
Where: Mercury Cinema. Tickets $12/$10c.

This cannot be stated plainly or often enough: this movie sounds like concentrated awesome. In 1900s Hong Kong, one man has the power to change the fate of China – if only he can stay alive long enough to do it. With just five bodyguards to protect him from hundreds of relentless assassins, the man must… Ohhhhh, I’m feeling all tingly. Click here to win tickets to the movie.

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What:    The RZA
When:   Thursday 11 Feb, from 7pm
Where: Fowlers Live. Tickets $56.80.

Anyone who’s a friend of Bill Murray’s is a friend to us. This Thursday, RZA’s razor sharp and on point at Fowlers! A founding member of the legendary Wu-Tang Clan, he’s here to 'bring the ruckus' with side helpings from his albums Digi Snacks and Wu's latest Chamber Music. Supported by locals Dialect and Spin DJ comp winner DJ Sanchez. Go check out the leader of the 'W' and represent. Or do you hate Bill Murray?

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What:    Flickerfest
When:   Friday 12 Feb + Saturday 13 Feb, from 7.30pm
Where: Mercury Cinema. Tickets $20 for both nights.

Ahh, short film. So much easier to watch than real film. Don’t like a character / plot / accent / face / race? Don’t worry, the film will all be over in ten minutes (you racist). Flickerfest assembles the best in short film from around the world, and we can guarantee that over the two nights your attention span won’t be tested even once. Flickerfest kicks off this Friday night with an opening night party and opening night beverages. Because there’s nothing like an attention span once you’ve been drinking, yeah?

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What:    The Quiet Reader
When:   Friday 12 Feb, from 6pm
Where: Adelaide Central School of Art, 45 Osmond Tce

Chances are if you’re not an artist or don’t have a job where you talk to artists, you won’t know about the Adelaide Central School of Art (or “ACSA”, as you can now casually call it). But you should – you really should – because ACSA pumps out some of the most talented kids in town, and it runs periodic short courses for those who want to improve their napkin drawings of Pikachu kissing Squirtoise (imagine the children). The latest exhibition, The Quiet Reader, on this week is a great excuse to go down and check out what it’s all about.

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What:    Festival for Broken Hearts
When:   Sunday, 14 Feb from 2pm
Where: Higher Ground. Entry $5.

I wish I had an amusing Valentine’s Day story to tell here, but unfortunately I have nothing. I can’t even remember anything amusing happening to me within a one month radius of Valentine’s Day. (I did briefly consider plagiarising that episode of The Simpsons where Ralph gets the “Let’s Bee Friends” card. I got as far as getting that image above before deciding against it.) Anyway – Sunday is Valentine’s Day and Acousticum at Higher Ground is putting on a Festival For Broken Hearts, feat acoustic tunes from No Friends For Rolland Romanny, Simon Peter, and Dennan Walsch.

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What:    Chinese New Year
When:   Sunday, 14 Feb
Where: Chinatown

Ahh, the Year of the Tiger – the second best of all the Chinese New Years (after Dragon, of course). I on the other hand was born in the Year of the Rat, the worst of the bunch. There is nothing flattering about that comparison – at least with Year of the Pig you’re essentially a delicious animal. This Sunday is the first day of the Year of the Tiger, so we say: try to book yourself somewhere in Chinatown (it’ll be packed), or at the very least head on down for vicarious thrills and cower out of the way of a few dragons.

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