At the turn of the 19th Century, the fledgling colony of South Australia began to embrace a pastime that would soon become Australia’s first primary industry, and serve as the foundation of our State’s economy. That past time of course, was whaling.

 South Australia was blessed with a population of whales that were ostensibly designed for the sole purpose of being hunted by man. The Southern Right Whale swam close to the shore, moved slowly, came up for air at regular intervals, and conveniently floated when it was killed. These magnificent beasts were killed primarily for their oil (used in lamps), their blubber (used in perfumes) and their bones (used in corsets). These gifts not only provided the State with illumination, but also made colonial wenches smell nice and look stacked, which was a win for all concerned. At its peak the SA Company operated 15 whaling sites across the state, and brought down countless thousands of Southern Right, and Humpback whales.
 
So what happened? How did we go from a Colony of burley whale hunters to a State of anti-whaling protestors? “Qualified Historians” will tell you that the discovery of petroleum made whaling obsolete, or that over-whaling destroyed the industry, but the truth is much simpler; 

The dickless Japanese and Norwegians took the sport out of it. 

When Australia was an active whaling nation, whaling involved hurling a harpoon BY HAND at a whale, having the ocean giant drag your TINY WOODEN SHIP across miles of rough ocean, and then spearing it in the face with a lance. Death and dismemberment were commonplace, and only the toughest ex-convicts had what it took to be a professional whaler.

Nowadays thanks to the Japanese and Norwegians, whaling has become an activity performed exclusively by nancy-boys. They sit on the decks of their giant steel ships, sipping de-caff lattes while the ship’s computer tracks helpless whales via sonar, only putting down their copies of GQ magazine to fire rocket-propelled explosive harpoons that kill whales instantly. Weak!!