When considering the more dubious aspects of King William Street, one’s mind usually turns straight towards the traffic-congesting tram extension. However the street that runs through the heart of Adelaide should perhaps be more notoriously known for the shortcomings of the eponymous King William IV. Through his short reign, King William (Willie to those that knew him best) reduced child labour, abolished slavery, and reformed the British electoral system. Yet despite these many achievements, Willie left no legitimate heir, as he was apparently incapable of producing offspring; a task so simple that Salisbury teenagers routinely achieve it by accident.

 

Men the world over spend thousands of dollars trying to prevent pregnancy; through condoms and vasectomies, and still they manage to accidently impregnate women. With the fate of the Empire at stake, all Willie needed to do was blow his beans up some royal muff to secure his lineage, yet this most simple of tasks was beyond him. It’s not as though he was unable of knocking someone up; by the time of his death he had fathered 10 illegitimate children to the “actress” (whore) Mrs. Jordan. However he was 64 when he inherited the throne, by which time his ball-tubes were blocked and congested, and his sperm was reduced to a crawl; much like the cars that now populate the street named in his honour.