During the late 1970s, as Premier of South Australia, Don Dunstan helped usher in a new period of enlightenment and tolerance, transforming Adelaide into the arts capital of Australia. He decriminalised homosexuality, introduced equal rights for women, built the festival centre, and created Rundle Mall.

 

Despite all of these endeavours however, Don’s vision was constantly held back by a population of troglodyte morons. As Don’s reforms began to take hold, a clairvoyant predicted that Adelaide, having become a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah, would be wiped out by a tidal wave. And people actually believed him!! People sold their beach properties, and on the day in question, fled inland like dumb, frightened rats. Don actually had to go down to Glenelg beach to convince everyone that a tsunami wasn’t going to wipe out the state. This wasn’t the first time he had to reassure a gullible public, nor would it be the last.

 

In 1976, a rumour spread around town that the Hindmarsh Building Society was about to foreclose, and gullible, panicky Adelaidians swarmed around it, demanding their money. Channelling Jimmy Stewart, Don went down to the crowd with a megaphone, assuring all present that their money was safe.

 

In 1977, a travelling bean salesman told locals that if you ate his beans, your missing limbs would grow back. To convince the city that this was a shameless ruse, Don sliced off his leg in Parliament, and consumed one of the magic beans. To the astonishment of all present, his bloody stump remained.