We're into thrilling day 100+ of the dread H1N1 (swine flu) epidemic, and the worldwide death toll is still prrrrrrrrrretty pissweak. With that in mind, we've assembled a list of things that are more likely to kill you than swine flu.

1. Suffocating in a face mask	2. Punched in the face for crapping on about swine flu

3. Shellfish flu	4. Bacon deficiency-related starvation

5. Swine syphillis	6. Fatal groping by Pigsy

7. Empty River Torrens flu	8. Tripping over a pig

9. Regular flu.