Those pesky Somali pirates are still causing problems. How can we thwart them? Alleviate systemic poverty by restoring the Somali fishing industry to national ownership? Pssssshhhhhh, no! It's easier than that!!

1. Take they asses to COURT	2. Tell a series of humilating one-liners

3. Do a "Torrens" and pull the plug on the ocean	4. Draw a line down the centre of the ocean

5. RAMBO	6. Dress up as pirates, thus confusing them

7. Kill the head pirate, thus curing the rest	8. Switch out their pirating manuals

9. Remind them that pirating has been lame since 2006.