One of the more important sections of the Australian Constitution is section 119 (The Protection of States from Invasion and Violence), which states:

The Commonwealth shall protect every State against invasion and, on the application of the Executive Government of the State, against domestic violence.

Seems a fairly sensible passage at first glance right? This passage couldn’t possibly lead to something dubious right? Well, yes, you’re 100% correct; the passage in question hasn’t led to something dubious, it’s led to something completely fucking retarded. Section 119 has been interpreted to demand that every Australian State and Territory be protected with its own army, air force, and navy base.

Including Canberra. Land-locked Canberra.  Which has its own fully operational Navy base……..located 150KM INLAND.

How in the name of Malcolm Frasier’s Pants is Canberra better protected from naval invasion by the existence of HMAS Harman? What could this ridiculous navy base do to better repel the Kaiser’s Dreadnaught fleet that mountains of rock and 150km of solid earth couldn’t? Even the most determined midget-submarine would struggle to tunnel itself even as far as Yadboro, let alone pose any realistic threat to Parliament House, or – heaven forbid – Cockington Green Gardens.
It gets worse though.

It wasn’t long before this idiotic interpretation of the constitution was highlighted, and the realities of having a navy base located 500m above sea level, became apparent. “Sailors” stationed at HMAS Harman were more likely to drown at home in the tub than at work; a unique statistic among the world’s many navy bases. Now, at this point you’d be correct in assuming that the only sensible course of action would be to slightly alter the interpretation of section 119, secure in the knowledge that the A.C.T would be safe without its own navy base. However this article isn’t called Sensible Moments in Australian History is it? No, instead the Commonwealth decided to annex Jervis Bay from NSW, declaring it technically part of the A.C.T, and giving it – and the territory – a new costal navy base; HMAS Creswell.

Rigoddamndiculous.

- Ken Bell | Art Gary Seaman