On the first of December 1948, one of the most baffling mysteries this side of Anne Wills’ popularity befell our fair state. The body of an unknown man was found washed up on Sommerton beach, beginning one of the most ridiculous investigations in the history of criminology.

Inside the man’s jacket was an Army Club cigarette packet containing Kensitas cigarettes, and a narrow aluminium American comb. Why is this relevant? It isn’t, but with the body being discovered at the height of Alfred Hitchcock’s popularity, the South Australian police seemed more interested in investigating the countless red herrings surrounding the case than the actual case itself.

When an encoded note referencing the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam was found within his trouser lining, more time was spent cracking this elaborate code than on simple door knocking and finger printing. It wasn’t long before police had jumped to the illogical conclusion that he must have been a Soviet spy, for no other reason than Adelaide being the closest capital city to the Woomera missile testing base. RIDICULOUS!

Even now, in an age where we can determine the name, address and favourite breakfast cereal of a suicide bomber from nothing more than his big toe, we still don’t know the name of this poor soul. We do, however, know that a mystery briefcase linked to the man was found in the Adelaide railway station cloakroom, containing a pair of red felt slippers. Size seven.

HOW IS THAT RELEVANT!!??

- Ken Bell | Art Robin Tatlow-Lord