Dubious Moments in Australian History: THE BRISBANE LINE

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During the height of the 2nd World War, as Australian troops were mopping the floor with the Krauts in Africa[1], it was becoming more and more likely that Japan would launch an invasion of mainland Australia. Our fearless leader at the time[2] decided that when the God-Emperor Tojo made his grab for Australia, there would be only one course of action available to us: Get the Hell out of his way and let him have it.
 
Rivalling France’s ‘my home is your home; my wife is your wife’ approach to national defence, the Australian Hierarchy believed that when the enemy was knocking at the gates, laying down arms and running like buggery in the other direction was our only chance of “victory”. Hell, even the French offered up some resistance[3].
 
This plan of extraordinary cowardice[4] suggested that the Australian Army should pull back to a line of defence running between Brisbane and Perth, essentially abandoning half of the country to the enemy, and hoping that somehow by the time they reached the Brisbane Line, the entire Japanese invasion force would have been decimated by thirst, sunburn and possibly fly bite.
 
Now I know what you’re thinking; when Darwin was bombed, a sense of panic swept the nation, and surely our leaders can’t be blamed for thinking the worst and planning accordingly. This would be true, were it not for one small titbit: You see, this plan was drafted well before the bombing of Darwin. It boggles the mind to imagine what kind of gutless plan they concocted after Darwin was bombed, and I’m not discounting the possibility of a mass evacuation to Tasmania; where the populace would patiently wait for the Japanese to succumb to windburn and jellyfish stings.
 
Fortunately, the spineless plan of ‘quivering’ Bob Menzies was never enacted. Through the strong political leadership of Curtain and the tough-as-nails military direction of Macarthur, it was decided that the best place to make our stand was in New Guinea; not the GABBA[5]. In the end this new tactic of actually fighting proved successful, with Australia[6] driving Japan back to the tiny, glorified sand bar from whence they came[7].
 
In the years since WWII, Australia has fought many battles, yet our natural urge to retreat remains: 
  • When China entered the Korean War, Menzies ordered the Australian troops stationed in Seoul to fall back to Newcastle;
     
  • When the Viet Cong launched the Tet offensive, Prime Minister Gorton surrendered the Northern Territory to Ho Chi Minh; 
     
  • And more recently when the Reds lost to Osaka, Japan in a soccer friendly, Kevin Rudd ordered the mass evacuation of Adelaide.  
I guess old habits die hard[8].
 
 
 
[1] Australians are to Germans what the Mongoose is to the Cobra.
[2] Robert ‘London Calling’ Menzies
[3] Brief and cowardly though it may have been.
[4] Codenamed ‘Screw Darwin and Broome’
[5] Besides, everyone knows the GABBA favours the offense.
[6] America
[7] Though they would return periodically over the years to decimate our automotive industries, purchase Cairns, and pose with our cuddliest fauna.
[8] Unlike Germans, who are surprisingly killable.