Paul Kelly once stated that from little things big things grow, and this has never been truer than of the heated border dispute between South Australia and Victoria. In 1847 when the incompetent surveyor Henry Wade inaccurately proclaimed the South Australian border 3.6km West of where it should be, he had little if any idea that he would be setting into motion a chain of events that would culminate in the bloodiest and most protracted conflict in the history of man. 

When all legal avenues of appeal had been exhausted, South Australian settlers who had suddenly and horrifically been declared Victorians took matters into their own hands. Contrary to popular belief, Czar Alexander II was not the first political leader to be murdered by a suicide bomber. That honour goes to The Rt Hon. Viscount Canterbury, then Governor of Victoria, who was vaporised when displaced South Australian mule farmer Mick Hägenbush strapped mining dynamite to his chest, and embraced the Governor in what would later become known as a “Canterbury Cuddle”.

Victorians from Horsham responded by forming a militia, and with machetes in hand, chopped and slashed their way through Bordertown. The pile of hacked corpses left rotting in the streets has yet to be equalled, despite attempts by the Hutus in Rwanda. For over a century since this attack, the disputed zone has continued to be a powder keg for the region, and with the recent sarin gassing of Naracoorte, many are wondering if peace will ever be achieved.

Well… actually, none of that happened. The border dispute was resolved by court ordinance in 1914. What? If you wanted facts you came to the wrong place. We’ve got nothing here but champagne comedy.

- Ken Bell | Art Robin Tatlow-Lord