The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and all I wanted to do was I inject some coffee into my bloodstream. I’ll pass on the polyethylene lined cardboard cup filled with brown dishwater tasting drool, thanks. I’d rather go for a streaming mug of perfectly brewed coffee instead.

One problem. Viewing Zarraffa’s and Starbuck’s as the antichrists of coffee, rules out at least 93% of my options. I’m not moaning and groaning just yet, the Gold Coast is actually full of little haunts worthy of my affection, you just have to know where to find them. Everyone knows the GC tourist strip, the local masses all have the same well worn Refidex with routes marked and venues clearly circled. Then you’ve got the out-of-towners with their paws all over the glossy hotel handouts. What’s really needed is the insider information, but sometimes it seems that knowledge is limited to the Rene Rivken types, and everyone else just gets left in the dark.  

All you really need are the right tools; a healthy curiosity, the willingness to wander off the beaten track, and the confidence to bluff your way into a new situation. Once you stop following the tail of the cow in front of you, it’s unbelievable what you find. Out of the way places that are delightfully deceptive, quiet from the front, but once you step through the entrance, are like falling through the rabbit hole into a mysterious and magical world of wow. I’m talking about the kinds of places whose names are only uttered softly into the ears of friends. Secret troves with their own personality formed through good music, un-generic decor, and staff who surprise-surprise - actually like being there.

It’s easy to begin to establish yourself as the go-to local guru amongst your peers. Just start by simply suggesting they try a new place you’ve heard of. Knowledge is power! An age old adage, but if you sound like you know more than you really do, then you really do know more than you thought. If you think you understand what you thought I said, soon you’ll realise that what I said is not what I meant. Got it? Someone’s got to lead the charge, and they won’t know you’re bluffing it.  The whole point of being a Bluffer is that you don’t have to know everything about everywhere, you just need to be one step ahead – using phrases such as ‘I used to think that...but then I found....’. Just keep your eyes and ears open, so next time Aunt Bethel comes to visit and suggests morning tea at Muffin Break, you can say, ‘I have a better idea’. You just a need to be aware of the right kind of places.

So next time you hear ‘let’s meet for coffee,’ try Little St. Kilda Cafe on Seventh Ave in Palm Beach. I decided it was my kind of place when I discovered a Dean Morris gift card, of a mulleted man with the slogan ‘Wayne was a wanker’, on their corkboard-esqe clippings covered wall. For those vampiric few, allergic to sunlight, you should note they also hold a liquor licence. This means you can booze the night away listening to local bands and subtly brushing up against the gorgeous ones, accidently of course. It’s not your fault the courtyard is of intimate size, though it’s probably the reason you’ll keep coming back.

I must have missed the memo that Palm Beach is a treasure trove. On the same block as Little St. Kilda is a curious little store called Luv2Luv. At first glance it looks like new clothes, old clothes, and new clothes made from old clothes.  But it’s so much more than that!  It’s like a launch pad for creative Gold Coast folk. There’s hand crocheted bikini’s, unique pieces from a professional tie dyer, and the walls are adorned with reasonably priced paintings by various artists from around town. It’s refreshing to see the little guys supporting other locals. Go do likewise, gentlefolk.

Quite close to Southport in the emerging suburb of Chirn Park is an amazing boutique along the main strip called Aloha Lucy. It’s only small, but there’s love packed onto every shelf among an interesting assortment of clothes and lots of little trinkets. Plus a cafe you have to see to believe, Madam Tojo’s, is just up the road. Or how about Love From Lucy in Burleigh Heads, you can score a one off piece by a local designer for a bargain price.  Then there’s a hidden gem in a block of Tugan shops on Golden Four Drive. Bang Doll Vintage is all types of wonderful.  I don’t know why I’m telling you this, if the store becomes devoid of 1960’s frocks or 80’s jump suits, I’ll stab you in the jugular (note: Merge does not condone this sort of behaviour) - basically, the whole shop is froth worthy. And boys, you haven’t been forgotten; the boutique caters to you too. I promise you won’t walk out in brown paisley looking like Greg from the Brady Bunch, mistakenly thinking you’re killing it. 

If you’re serious about building your ‘local hang out’ repertoire, I’d also suggest Vintage in Mermaid Beach. They have a homemade ginger slice that would make even the most seasoned food critic drool. Then of course there’s 3 Beans in Broadbeach, but if you’re not already aware of that one, you may as well pack your bags now and skip town.  Have you ever been to The Little Green Bookshop in Labrador? You can grab a coffee and browse the shelves packed with second hand books.  If you’re not fussed by torrents of tourists wearing brighter colours than a psychedelic Pucci print, in Surfers there’s a little place called Hazel Tea Shop. The heavy wooden chairs are perfect for lounging across during long winded conversations with friends. Go for something like a Taro milk tea. You might gawk at the bright purple colour, but it tastes like cookies and cream mixed with white chocolate.  But for a guaranteed crowd pleaser, I’d recommend a short drive, just 10 minutes off the M1, to Tokonoma at Mudgeeraba.  It’s a traditional Japanese tea house and art gallery.

When the regular chorus of ‘I’m bored’ starts buzzing through your phone, avoid the cardboard cut out crowd and head to 19 Karen in Mermaid Beach - the exhibition opening nights always attract a crowd. Or how about The Cavern in Nobby Beach; there’s something on every night, plus the works of local artists gracing the walls. If you’re tired of the same old dingy, dark, thumping night clubs, you’ll discover a whole new world at Swingin Safari in Surfers. It’s an old house with a maze of quirky rooms, talented DJ’s that don’t burst your ear drums, plus a ping pong table and a vintage dress up rack.  Awesome! And I’ve heard The Loft on Chevron Island is a lot of fun, but I’ll leave it to you to find out more...see how easy being a Bluffer can be?